Memories Flooding Back (Sootclaw)

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Darkkit looked on as his mother began to wail and anger came off her fur in waves. He'd been messing with a leaf and a feather just for fun until this happened. His amber eyes got wide and he looked at her confused.

Then his dad came and the two began to lash at each other. His mother even started to make him bleed. He stood watching the two and his siblings trying to get to dad. Everytime a tear or a drop of blood fell onto the leaf strewn ground of the den, his eyes could only stare at it and then back at his parents. To him it seemed his mother was angry at something that his father had done. She was even going as far to call him bad. Cedarclaw wasn't letting any of his siblings go to Sootclaw and this worried him.

Darkkit's body began to shiver and he took a step towards a bloodied leaf with horror. His family was clawing at each other literally and mentally. How could this happen?!

He took a hesitant breathe and looked at Stonekit and Quietkit for support. Lashing his tail to prepare himself, he bunched up his haunches. With an enormous rush of effort, he flung himself past his mother's legs and paws. Soon he was behind his father, nearly outside of the den. His body was shaking horribly now, not just with pain, but with fear. Darkkit's amber eyes were white rimmed and his tiny chest heaved with the effort of gaining every single ragged breathe.

He noticed something squishy was under his paws and he looked at one of them. A gasp escaped him as he noticed blood, his own father's, coated his paws. Darkkit wanted to wail in despair and fear and pain. This whole scenario was too much for a little kit to process. He had no idea what to think and slowly that wail escaped him as his little paws began to back up towards what he thought was safety.

Foxstar, the medicine cat, another warrior, maybe even his almost godparent Swiftfire, anyone was better than this place of blood and darkness.

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I Tried So Hard

Cedarclaw felt the last of her strength give way when her third and final kit escaped her reach. They couldn't possibly understand what that tom had done to her. Perhaps they would some day, but not then. Not by this time. They were just kits, witnessing blood spill between their parents. Feeling horrid and weak, the tortoiseshell queen pushed past Sootclaw, ignoring him completely, so she could grasp Darkkit's scruff in her jaws. "Oh, no," she murmured when she saw the blood on his paws.

She turned to head back the way she came, again brushing right past the black tom in her way. She had no time for him. She placed her son on the ground between them and feverently began to lick the blood away from his little paws. The bitter taste stung her tongue, but she ignored it. "Don't go running off," she murmured between licks. "It brings trouble."

The queen looked up at Sootclaw, not in anger or sadness, but blankly. "See what you've done?" she muttered, but then sighed. "Fine. I can see that separating you from my kits won't be possible. You can see them, but only as long as you remember that I am not your mate." She glanced back to her kits and shook her head. "Just remember that. I don't love you, Sootclaw, I never did. The Cedarclaw you made up was the one in love with you. She's gone now."

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SootClaw heaved himself up slowly, tears still streaming down his black-furry face. He stared at CedarClaw, and couldn't help but take another step forward. But of course, he was doing this slowly, his legs weak.

"CedarClaw... I do love you though... No matter if you love me back or not... You are better than the other she-cats, different... I don't know why..."

He muttered, and tried to rasp his tongue across her ear, not caring if her paw unleashed her fury. Then he hunched down, and looked at QuietKit.

"Mom.. and Dad... have problems. Don't call me 'Dad' no more, kits.. Gotta call me SootClaw, now."

He said in a hushed tone, backing up a bit.

-

QuietKit was staring at her parents with worry. Something happened, but she just couldn't put her paw on it. Okay, she knew what happened, but she didn't know why. Why would her parents fight?

They used to be so perfect for eachother, and now all they did was fight. What was going on? Why must this happen?

And now, her father told her not to call him dad no longer, but SootClaw.

"No! Mom and Dad get together and go back to normal! No fighting! Only affection!"

She squealed.

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In The End, It Doesn't Even Matter

Cedarclaw didn't raise a unsheathed paw to attack Sootclaw with or even hiss in irritation when the tom rasped his tongue over her ear. What did it matter? Her pride and dignity were both gone. She just closed her eyes for the moment and put up with it. Her kits had seen enough for one day, hadn't they? "I've told you, it's not real. Nothing about your 'feelings' is real. Just forget all about it."

The tortoiseshell looked down at Quietkit and licked her ear gently. "I'm sorry, dear, but this is normal. What you saw before was anything but the truth. I was... Sick. This is the reality."

Ignore The Rest Of The World

Stonekit shook his head defiantly. "No! You're Daddy, not Sootclaw!" He smiled at his father cheekily, as if it were all one big joke. "You can't change that, silly Daddy." The young tom-kit glanced over at his mother and blinked up at her. "You're all being silly, ya know."

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He squeaked in fear at the jaws that picked him up. It was his mother, but it wasn't anymore. Her smell was different and he didn't feel same anymore around her like he had. As Cedarclaw licked the blood off his paws he gritted his teeth.

Sootclaw then told them not to call him dad anymore, that is when his heart couldn't take it anymore, he squealed in distress. His mother's tongue was still lightly brushing his paws and he unsheathed his little claws unintentionally. Darkkit's other paws were on the ground and the purpose of his claws was indignation and he hoped he hadn't hurt his mother or whoever she was.

Quickly, he took his paw away from Cedarclaw and inched away from her and father. He went as far as he could into the den's wall and tried to hide himself from their gazes with the shadows. Shivers still coursed through him, but his eyes were alright now.

~~~~

Her ears twitched confused as she heard a wail form the nursery. Curiosity pricked her pelt and she began to inch her way towards the den. She heard arguing soon and her step quickened.

Swiftfire's head then peeped into the den to see Cedarclaw facing her and Sootclaw's back to her. The smell of blood met her nose and her gaze swept wildly around for the kits. She soon saw the puffs of fur who were scared and scattered around in fear.

Cedarclaw had a wild look in her eyes and Sootclaw's cheeks were wet. A realization hit her. He'd told her! A weight suddenly left her and she sighed in relief. She knew the truth would finally be accepted by Cedarclaw.

Her eyes then softened as she realized that Cedarclaw was now the she-cat she knew. What was happening though was more important. Swiftfire's gaze hardened as she showed herself completely.

She sat down and waved her tails for the kits to come over to her. It wasn't right for them to be in this dispute or anywhere near the scent of blood so young.

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Come Closer

When she felt the young tom's claws prick her tongue, Cedarclaw pulled back in surprise- but unharmed for the most bit. As Darkkit then proceeded to back away from them, the tortoiseshell looked as if she was going to follow after him, but she hesitated, then dropped to her belly with a remorseful sigh. She hadn't meant to scare the kits. She hadn't even thought of them while lashing out at the black tom. The she-cat wished she could make amends, but how? "Please, kits, don't worry. Everything's going to be all right."

Her eyes flicked over to the new arrival. It was Swiftfire. Her eyes narrowed. She didn't know what to think. The warrior had kept Sootclaw's lies, worked with him in Cedarclaw's mind, and that was unforgivable. But the tortoiseshell remembered her also as a decent cat before. A strong she-cat, almost like herself. But she couldn't compare them anymore. "So you knew?" she muttered, looking away from the warrior and back to her frightened kits.

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SootClaw stared at CedarClaw in almost disbelief. He knew he couldn't forget about these feelings, and he knew he always loved her. Sure, he always flirted with her, but it was only to annoy her, which it was obvious he did love her to begin with, he just never thought of it in that sort of way.

He saw DarkKit run off, which made his teeth grit in pain. He didn't like seeing any of this for it seemed to be unbarable for any of the kits.

"I'm not Daddy no more.. SootClaw."

He said in a very hushed tone, tears still barely escaping his green optics. It was amazing to see SootClaw cry for he never had in his life, and I mean, never.

He noticed SwiftFire there, so he barely padded over.

"S-She came back. S-She doesn't believe that I d-do love her. T-Tell her!"

He choked, and it was quite obvious that this was tearing his heart right out of his black cat body. His pelt was shaking along with his limbs, while tears still started to run from his green eyes.

"...Please.."

He begged in a hushed tone.

-

QuietKit squealed, trying to get up on all fours. She looked back at her mother with worry and then back at SwiftFire. She trusted her, she came by a lot with Daddy.

She dashed, although she fell a few times on the way with a shriek, but she got right back up and hid under the she-cat.

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I Can No Longer Believe

Cedarclaw just looked at them all in grief. Nothing could be fixed! Not the past, not the future. Her own kits wouldn't even dare come near her. She watched Quietkit dash for the protection of Swiftfire's legs, then felt her head droop. "Fine. Do whatever you want. I can see where I stand." Her eyes flickered to Swiftfire, then Sootclaw. The tortoiseshell felt cut off from all of them. She had never made a close bond with anyone, before, but now she felt alien among these cats.

The queen shook her head. "Go on, don't let me hold you here," she mewed bitterly before turning back to her nest. As she lay herself in it, the moss felt scratchy and she felt as if it was embedded with hidden thorns. Had it been that way before? Not that she bothered to care anymore. Cedarclaw had never felt so utterly defeated, and she'd never thought it would be by her own kits.

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SootClaw looked behind him, seeing CedarClaw curl up in her nest. She looked hurt. And of course, SootClaw felt bad because of this.

He slowly padded towards her, silently, and laid next to her. He couldn't help but place his head upon her shoulders, and purr rather softly, calmly. He sighed.

"CedarClaw... Don't be like this..."

He murmured softly, his eyes slowly closing. He didn't care if she threw insults at him or any of the sort, all he cared for at this moment was to be right beside her. He sighed contently, and licked the end of her shoulder-blade with his tongue in a soothing type of way, at least, he hoped he was.

His ears were flickering a bit, but soon stopped, while his tail moved across her side.

-

QuietKit was watching this happen, her eyes wide. She didn't know what would happen, but she could tell something bad might happen again.

"Why?"

She squeaked, only loud enough that SwiftFire would hear, if she could.

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Slipping Away

The tortoiseshell she-cat didn't bristle at his touch, or raise a readied claw back toward his muzzle. What difference would it make? She rather just shrugged his chin off her back, or at least made an attempt to. Cedarclaw knew she should have lashed out. He deserved it well enough. Unfortunately, the memories of them laying like this not too long ago were still fresh in her mind. And she had thought she loved the black tom. But only thought. The passion she had originally felt in her heart, that burning emotion, had been hate, not love. But the feeling had also changed over time...

No. She had to stop thinking about such things. She didn't love him now, and she never had. It had all been a lie.

"Why shouldn't I act like this?" she muttered, looking at her paws, not him. "Give me one god reason. Look around you, and tell me one good reason." Cedarclaw closed her eyes completely when she felt his tongue rasp across her shoulder blade, and twitched her whiskers when he brushed his tail across her flank. She'd loved to bite it off. But there was no more fight left in her.

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The tom kept his chin upon her shoulder-blades, his eyes openning just a tad bit now. He kept his tail away from the she-cat this time, but he had a large urge to try to entwin his tail with hers once more, but he knew he shouldn't, not right now anyways.

He rose his head, and stared at her, and then looked down at his paws.

"The kits.. CedarClaw, just give me a chance, so I can show you the real me, so you can see that what I say and feel is true. Please?"

He now moved up infront of her, trying to look right into her beautiful eyes. He tried to smile, which barely worked, but he still tried. He wanted to lick her cheek, but he knew this wasn't the time.

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Broken Up, Deep Inside

Cedarclaw listened quietly, her eyes still closed. What would it take for this tom to get the hint? Her orange eyes blinked open and glanced up at him with a dull look glazing them over. "You mean the kits I wouldn't have if not for you?" The she-cat glanced over to her scattered kits, but it was too painful. They cared for her probably as much as she cared for Sootclaw. Her gaze quickly traveled back to her paws.

"I think you've done quite enough trying." The tortoiseshell lifted her head to meet his eyes with no more enthusiasm than before. "Even if by some twisted world you weren't bluffing, I still wouldn't care. You can say whatever you want, but I don't care about you. I never really did- you just made me think that I did." Her old anger was slowly building back up, and she felt her claws unsheathe to sink into the earth as a pathetic wail rose in her throat.

"How many times do I have to say it?" Her voice was filled with irritation, pain, and the suppressed wail. Cedarclaw just wanted this to be over, no matter how. She still desperately wanted this to have just been a nightmare she would soon wake from.

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Everything was quiet for many moments. SootClaw didn't know what to say, for he was so confused at this moment, at this certain time. He wanted to say something, of course, but bile just kept rising in his throat to stop him. So all he could do was listen, and then hear the crickets in the background.

He was holding back tears. He never thought he could feel like this, what kind of magic did this she-cat have? Why must a cat hold his heart, his soul, and then crack it in two like it was nothing? She could at least give him another chance, at least let him show her who he really was, but no, she had to smash everything back to the ground, she had to make this world turn and spin that makes him get nausea.

He stood up on all fours, his claws unsheathed. He had his claws dig right into the earth below him; he needed support to hold him up straight for his legs were shaking furiously. He kept standing there, his gaze staring right down at his beloved, the one whom he seemed to love, the one who he wanted to keep his heart with. Obviously, she didn't want it, but why? He tried so hard over these last few moons, but she remembers it, and then crushes him down in her little claws.

"CedarClaw. What do I have to do to prove everything was real?"

He almost shrieked, tears running down his cheeks. He didn't know what to even think anymore, all he ever thought about was CedarClaw and his kits.

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Swiftfire listened as the argument continued and Sootclaw asked for her help. She sighed and she heard Cedarclaw say that she was part of this too. Quietkit came up to her and hid under her fur. Her green eyes looked at the kit as it questioned why this had to happen.

She licked the she-kit's ear for comfort. "Little one, your parents still love you no matter what. Your mom just remembered something that is making her mad at your father for the time being. Don't worry one bit and keep your head high!," she smiled at Quietkit.

Then, she looked at the on-going drama between the two adult cats. Swiftfire stood up, but stayed next to the kit. She meowed towards Cedarclaw with a bit of irritation in her voice. "Cedarclaw, pull yourself together! So what, you lost your memory and when given the truth by Sootclaw, you didn't believe one bit of it. Now you feel betrayed once you remembered, even though we both tried to tell you the truth. None of us betrayed you!"

Her tail lashed in frustration at even having to say this to this cat. Cedarclaw and her were both very stubborn she-cats, and she wasn't about to lose. "Your kits are still yours. They still love you and Sootclaw. Instead of being selfish, think about others for once in this argument. These kits are still your blood, your kin, and if you can't even feel that then how can you hold your head and say truthfully that you are a warrior of Windclan. We are not Shadowclan, we do not hurt kits, and we are not selfish."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Darkkit looked up as he heard Swiftfire come and tell something to his parents. He nudged his mother and mewed with huge pleading eyes.

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Hard To Trust

Cedarclaw felt her fangs begin to hurt under the immense pressure she was putting on them as they ground into one another. This tom wasn't getting the big picture. He was still holding onto that fake memory.

"What you can do is go back in time and stay out of my life! Go back and leave me alone. Maybe then if I'm lucky I'll have died from the blood-loss eventually and this mess never would have happened." Her claws worked tirelessly on the earth. She was done saying it. The black tom would never understand.

Her orange eyes moved on to Swiftfire and felt her ears grow hot. Was every cat there against her? "It's easy for you to say. You're not the one in my position. How would you feel waking up to this? And of course I didn't believe you both before. I wasn't me! I had already accepted the lies he fed me." Cedarclaw's eyes glared back at the tom. This she-cat was spurring the feelings that had grown cold. She was making her remember all the lies and betrayal.

But at the mention of her kits, the tortoiseshell's ears drooped. She may not have agreed with what Swiftfire had been going on about a heartbeat ago, but the new matter at hand was something she actually valued. "Of course they're still my kits," she mewed, her voice almost a whisper as she looked at them. "And I still love them. I can't change that, neither can their father's blood. But they won't come near me, now."

She blinked in surprise at Darkkit's little nudge. She hadn't realized how close he was to her. Looking in his little eyes, seeing the emotion there, Cedarclaw found it easy to look past the resemblance to his father in his black pelt. "Darkkit," she purred quietly. Tentative and hesitant, the queen leaned down to lick the young tom on the head. Every part of her hoped that he wouldn't flinch away as her daughter had.