Wandering (Sootclaw/Open)

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SootClaw shot his head right up, staring at her. He sighed.

"I,knew I liked her, but I also knew she wouldn't EVER like or love me.."

He sat down, ears drooping, and now looking at the ground once more. Then, she said something about telling her the truth.

"No!"

His head shot up, and stared at her, wide-eyed.

"How could I? She would hate me! And, then, I wouldn't be able to see my kits when she has them!"

His whole body was shivering with worry.

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Swiftfire looked at him as he worriedly responded. At the news they were having kits, her ears went straight up and she had to stop from yowling and tackling him right then and there. "Kits?! It will be a lie though Sootclaw. Don't you see, all this is a lie and when your found out, more than her hate will be waiting for you," she silently hissed.

Taking a deep breath and clawing the grass underfoot until most was ripped up, she looked at him. "I know you love her," she said while looking him straight in the eyes. They were filled with love, pain, and worry. Were my parents a lie too?, she thought wistfully, but dropped it. Sighing she looked straight at him,"I let it go along Sootclaw and will help you. I've made up my mind." She paused, then continued,"I won't tell her unless Starclan or another force changes the events for it's the only thing to help her."

"The kits will never know unless the terms are met of what I said before," she murmured, ashamed of herself.

"I'm your only friend in this matter though Sootclaw....," she trailed off. It was against the warrior code for sure! A battle was issueing forth inside her and she wanted to just run away from it all. Swiftfire knew she had to do this for Cedarclaw though. If Cedarclaw was to be happy then she must help Sootclaw. She waited for a response from the tom though. He was caught in a web for sure. Attack her, she'd run and tell the clan, allow her to help would mean he'd have to put up with a she-cat for his whole life. This determined so much more than Cedarclaw's happiness, but it was all meant for that same happiness.

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The tom really did love her, but why? He didn't even know that, but did StarClan know? Probably. He was just wishing so hard that it will all follow through, even though he knew that it won't. He was doomed, one way or another. He was proud that he was going to have kits, and CedarClaw, but he knew that it was probably a waste.

He sighed, and stared at her. He wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling right there. He wanted to be relieved, yes, but he just couldn't be. He was so worried, that a word would slip out.

He glanced back to where CedarClaw was waiting, then back at SwiftFire. He purred in a friendly way, and licked her cheek.

"T-Thanks SwiftFire."

He dipped his head, and sighed.

"If...If you don't mind.. I kinda want to go back with uh.. uh.. CedarClaw.."

He scuffled his black paws a bit, and sighed.

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She was surprised by the lick on the cheek and the thank you. It was the first time Sootclaw hadn't insulted her in one sentence. At his request to leave she nodded. She didn't know what to say, but she knew one thing for sure. Swiftfire had sealed her fate with those words forever. Those kits would be partly her responsibility and she prayed to Starclan that they would forgive the two of them. Hopefully they would allow the rest of her life to never bring this subject up again.

Swiftfire trotted over the bend towards Cedarclaw and mewed happily, as if nothing had happened or had to dappen her spirits,"Cedarclaw, I saw your look of confusion earlier and realized that the blow to your head must have made you forget. My name is Swiftfire and I'm a clan mate to you and Sootclaw." She brushed her tail on the she-cat and looked over to where Sootclaw was. "Your lucky to have a mate like Sootclaw. I need to be going, bye Cedarclaw," she said happily and walked off with a look at Sootclaw.

Swiftfire nodded at him and her eyes met his. The deed was done, from now one both carried a secret and Swiftfire would be like a god-parent to the kits.

What have I gotten myself into? was the only thought in her mind as she walked away.

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He had returned with SwiftFire, looking at the ground. He was now in deep thought, for what she had said, had made him worry even more. It was shown with the prickle of his fur, but he knew he was near, so his fur soon went back on his coat.

He sat down, and looked at SwiftFire thankfully, and smiled at CedarClaw.

"I'm back, my sweet!"

He purred, bounding closer, nuding his muzzle against his cheek.

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Accusations

Her brief period of relief was swept away when she saw her supposed mate give the other she-cat a lick on the cheek. Her fur fluffed up as far as it would allow, her orange eyes burning. What was going on over there? From where Cedarclaw had remained, she couldn't have known that the gesture was a sign of peacemaking and gratitude- from where she stood, it meant something completely different. Had he been playing her this whole time? Could she believe a word he had said, the times he'd told her he'd loved her?

When Swiftfire came over, it was hard to resist the urge to unsheathe her claws. She didn't say a word in reply, just watched her pad off with a glare. The way she had said she was lucky to have him, and that glance they shared, it was all piling up the wrong way. She rounded on Sootclaw when he approached. "What was that all about? I saw you lick her cheek, and I saw the way you two were looking at each other!" A pull on her heart threatened to tear it open. "What are you playing at?"

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He pulled away, his eyes starting to water. No, he couldn't cry, not now! He drooped his ears as far as they could go, his head going down. Now he had to tell the truth, no more lying.

His fur was now prickling up even more, for worry was smashing all over his mind.

"For.. keeping a secret, CedarClaw.. I swear.."

He looked up at her, his eyes still a bit watered.

"Look at me in the eye.. Could you doubt that I love you? Since I love you so much, I have to tell you all the truth, now."

He looked over his shoulder after he said that, calling to SwiftFire.

"S-SwiftFire.. C-Can you come back, and H-Help me explain...?"

His paws scuffled with eachother, and looked back at CedarClaw, sniffling a bit. He tried so hard not to cry, not infront of CedarClaw, he would look weak, just like his father and mother. He wanted to be strong, for her, not for himself, for he wanted to protect her forever.

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What Have You Done?

Seeing the tom she loved begin to tear up made the heartache worse. It almost brought tears to her own eyes, but she fought them back. "And what kind of secret would that be? How many mates can you have?" Her cry was choked back by emotion. She looked him in the eyes like he said, but it was too painful, and she had to turn away. "It's not that I want to doubt you, but I saw what I saw!" Cedarclaw could feel herself breaking down as her whole body shook. She'd placed all her faith in this tom, and for what? It was as if the very earth beneath her paws was crumbling away.

"No! I don't want you and Swiftfire to try to explain things to me! I don't want to hear your truth. Don't you think I've had enough?" Her claws sank into the ground, holding her there. She couldn't bring herself to use them against this tom, the father of her kits, but she knew that she should've.

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SootClaw's limbs shook, staring at the ground.

How many mates can you have?

That shook his mind so hard, so bad.

He merely shuttered the one word;;

"None.."

Tears now actually fell out of his eyes, crawling down his black cheeks, and then hitting the ground.

"I-I-I.."

He couldn't say anything, for it tore him up so bad. He felt so lonely right now, and a weakling. He felt so distressed, so heartbroken.

He felt like he lied to the whole clan of StarClan, and he knew he lied to even himself. Just lying at CedarClaw earlier, thinking about it, made him grit his teeth even more.

"I-I-I'm sorry.. I-I-I lied.. to... you..."

He felt like he was loosing air, gasping for breath when he said that, he felt so hurt, he felt like he was dying.

Then- he noticed her claws unsheathing. That made his ears flatten against his head, his eyes shut tightly, tears still slipping out, and his teeth gritting even more, at the point where it felt like they were going to shatter in little pieces.

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Hold Me Down

Now a couple tears were let slip, and that made it feel all the worse. "Sootclaw, please don't," she pleaded, trying to maintain herself but was already too late. She desperately wanted to press her cheek to his, to lick away the tears that streaked his face, but then she would remember what he had done, the lies he'd whispered. "L-look... Just come out and say it." Her claws slipped in and out, tearing at the ground. But never once did she try to imagine his pelt beneath her paws.

How could I still love him, she asked herself bitterly.

"Admit that you've had Swiftfire all along. S-sorry doesn't make it any better," she added, hearing the stuttered word. Now the tortoiseshell was sure her heart had ripped open, the blood spilling out. "I'm giving you kits! How could you?" Her voice cut off there, too strained to say more. She was back in that darkness, where there was nothing but a forgotten past and no future to look forward to.

Everything was a lie!

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He raised his head, staring at CedarClaw.

"No! CedarClaw! I love you, really I do! I lied about the past!"

Tears were now staining his black fur on his cheeks, them still slipping out. He felt horrible, he felt sickening. He wanted to kill himself.

"You hated me. You despised me, because I was like your father. Just like him, then I started to like you..."

His limbs were shaking once more, his ears still flat against his head.

"Now I realize I love you, CedarClaw! I couldn't tell you the truth at first, then you would of had no one to run to... CedarClaw, I really do Love you!"

His dark green eyes stared into her eyes, which made him feel like it was okay, then he snapped out of it. It wasn't okay, he messed up, big time.

"CedarClaw... I-I'm sorry... so sorry... so sorry... so sorry..." He seemed to repeat, now up pacing back and forth, tail tip flicking.

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No Love Here

Cedarclaw shook her head fiercely. "That's an even worse lie! I know that isn't the truth, I would remember something like that!" There was no way in the world that she could ever love a cat she hated, memory loss or not. She knew it wasn't true. It couldn't be true. The tortoiseshell then broke down completely, falling to her belly was a choking sob. She hid her face by pressing it down in the grass. It was pathetic, she knew, but she could do nothing else. "I believed the first lie before I saw the truth with my own eyes. Why can't you just admit that part, instead of making of stupid stories not even a kit would believe?" Her cries became mutters through the earth and grass she spoke into.

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SootClaw still paced back and forth, then he paused.

"CedarClaw, the reason why you are in so much pain to begin with is because of me. If.. If.. I didn't slam you in the rock.. and bumped your head.. this wouldn't be happening..."

Tears still slipped out of his dark green optics, feeling like he used himself.

"Fine! If you won't believe me, if you won't, then I'll go die!"

He spat, his fur raising up on end.

"I love you, CedarClaw!"

Tears still slipping out through this whole moment.

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I Held Your Hand Through All These Years

Cedarclaw tuned out the first part. She wasn't going to listen to anything more! None of this was his fault- not the memory loss, at least. Somehow, wouldn't she have known? There was no doubt in her mind. It wasn't true. But she did catch the next part, in which he threatened himself with death. Her eyes shot open, and she leapt to her paws. "No, you can't!" Her eyes were wide with panic and fear. The tortoiseshell knew she shouldn't have felt this way, that she should have told him to go right on ahead, but she couldn't. More tears slipped out of her eyes. "Please, just don't!" She took a few steps closer, wishing she could touch him again. "Even if you try, I'll stop you. I know I should hate you right now, and maybe I do, somewhere. But I still love you, and I'm not going to let you die!" The words surprised even herself. The feelings inside her were too complicated to explain, but that was as best she could put them. She still loved him.

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He couldn't help but say these words;;

"How would you know? You lost your memory, and you don't even know my real personality!"

His limbs were shaking feriously, taking a step back. He wanted to take a step forward instead, but he knew he couldn't. He didn't feel like CedarClaw's emotions were true, for she really didn't know him all that well, not now, at least.

He looked away, ears still flat against his head. He still felt as if everything was falling apart, like he thought it would. Maybe he was doomed to be like this, maybe he should just go to StarClan, where he belongs. He shouldn't be here, for he is causing pain.

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