I Never Meant For This To Happen[Icepaw/Open]

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"Twitchpaw, would you do me a favor and go check on the elders for me? I wish to speak to Icepaw alone." Rainwing spoke up, padding up behind his apprentice quietly. He looked tired and older in moons than he really was. The life of a medicine cat really seemed to drain you at times..

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Twitchoaw looked at her mentor before sighing, "Okay." She got up and left the den, heading over to the elders, grabbing some prey, figuring it would serve her good since she might have some of her questioned answered by them if all went well. I wonder what Rainwing wanted to talk about and why couldn't I hear.... She sighed, knowing it wasn't any of her concern.

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Icepaw shook his head. "No, I'm good," he mewed with a flick of his tail. "But, well, maybe one or two poppy seeds wouldn't hurt." The tabby grimaced and glanced down to his paw. The brace wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world. And neither was the pain, for that matter.


But same, automatic defensive feeling reared back up when Rainwing said he wanted to speak to him. Alone. The young tom started to squirm a little in his nest. He wasn't liking the sounds of this at all. What would the medicine cat want with him anyway? If he had wanted to hurt him or something, he wouldn't have bandaged up his leg. But maybe he was just supposed to be lulled into a false sense of security. And if that was the case, what was going to happen? Was Rainwing going to make him eat deathberries or something?

He watched Twitchpaw leave with unease prickling at his neck fur. His blue eyes then glanced over to the medicine cat with a guarded and nervous look. "What's this about?" he mewed slowly, looking around for a possible escape plan.

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Rainwing watched his apprentice leave the den and then nudged some more poppy seeds towards the Riverclan apprentice. He sat down, wrapping his tail around his paws and sighing, not really looking that threatening at all.

"Icepaw relax, I just want to talk. Do you really think an crippled medicine cat would pick a fight with an apprentice from another clan?" His voice was calm and relaxed, so sense of anger or aggressiveness to be found. He studied the young tom before him then spoke again.

"I can understand why you might be uncomfortable around Riddlehawk, seeing his size and what Needleheart has told you. As well as what happened today. But do you have an reason to be wary of me?"

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Icepaw kept his bright eyes trained on the medicine cat, glancing down only briefly at the poppy seeds before pulling them closer with his good paw with his eyes back on Rainwing. But he didn't eat the poppy seeds. He didn't feel like distracting himself for a moment longer. The extreme discomfort with this tabby made him still want to squirm.

At the tom's first question, the apprentice's ears fell back a little. Not aggressively, but rather embarrassed by the thought. The idea of being worried about an attack from the medicine cat of ThunderClan sounded just absurd coming from the cat himself. Maybe he wasn't understanding the emotions himself. Perhaps it wasn't fear at all, but instead, dislike. Annoyance. Almost like he was standing in his way. But Icepaw couldn't understand what. The only thing Rainwing was in the way of was the exit. It was hard to say.

But his bit about Riddlehawk was a different story. The mention of his name made the apprentice's claws sink back into the moss bedding. From one side, everything that Needleheart had ever told him was true! Riddlehawk was cold and murderous. He'd almost killed him. But there it was again- almost! The fact made him more frustrated than bitter. Icepaw looked back up to Rainwing with his ears still back a little. "I don't think so," he mewed slowly, "but there's something about you I can't place. I couldn't say I like you honestly. Really, there's no reason for me to in the first place, but I just can't explain it. I don't get it."

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Rainwing listened to what he said, knowing exactly what he was feeling. He nodded, ears twitching thoughtfully. "I think I can. I was wary of you at first because of the resembelence between you and the warrior that did this to me." He paused, nodding to his injured back leg. "And that would be Froststorm, as you know. And I know after now, your view on Riddlehawk has darkened even worse, but please listen to me when I say, he was not wrong when he went against Froststorm."

He paused, thinking of the best way to explain it. "I was just like you, a young apprentice and I was eager to prove myself in battle. But Froststorm took it too far. He did the same to me as what Riddlehawk did to you, except he did it intentionally. He could have killed me, almost making it worse by ending my dream of being a warrior." He studied the young tom in front of him, hoping he had listened closely.

"I'm not saying Riddlehawk is a saint of a cat or that you even have to like him. But I am saying that Froststorm is not a friend or a cat to follow as an example. He was dangerous and still is and does not have anyone in mind except himself. I'm not your enemy Icepaw. I don't wish you harm, if anything I want to look out for you. The reason you supposedly have this feeling about me is because of Froststorm's influence."

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Icepaw blinked at the medicine cat's leg, a little surprised. He couldn't recall if any cat had ever quite said that Froststorm was responsible for the tabby's lame leg. The apprentice tried to create a scene in his mind- a bigger, fiercer version of himself in Riddlehawk's place as he attacked a cat no bigger than his current size. It made him wince, but right after lower his ears again. It didn't make sense! Sure, Froststorm hadn't seemed like the nicest cat in the world the couple times he'd seen him, but Needleheart had painted such a better picture for him. The first and strongest impression came from what she told him. But now Rainwing's words conflicted those words.

He looked back up to Rainwing as he continued to speak. The gnawing feeling in his belly came back each time he glanced from the medicine cat's eyes to his lame hind leg. The only thing he could wholly agree with was that Riddlehawk was no saint. Everything else was one cat's words against the first. The pale tabby pressed himself closer to the ground, making himself small. "But why am I supposed to trust you?" he pressed. "Needleheart said cats from ThunderClan would change everything about him. Make him a different cat." But truly, Icepaw wasn't sure if he believed her words at this point, either.

"And even if I could believe you, I can't change anything." A frown clouded over his face. "Froststorm said I had to. Because I was him." Memories surfaced of a pair of piercing blue eyes, much like his own, only cold. They drove fear into him like a spear. He had to repress a shudder. "Am I supposed to go against that? Against everything? Maybe you're not my enemy, but I still have one. I have to hate Riddlehawk, and I have to do whatever Froststorm says!" The tom's mew was rising to a pathetic shriek of a kit. His mind was reeling. He wanted everything to just stop, pause, so he could relax and breath.

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Twitchpaw heard, she was sitting outside to wait till she was told she could come back in but didn't bother to ask ask anymore, "You don't have to listen to him!!! So what if he was you at one point. Your different, you and him aren't the same!! You don't have to follow what he says cause he's dead!" Twitchpaw mewed before nosed him, before looking at him again. "He has you scared but... but you can't give in, if you do, you will lose yourself!!!" Twitchpaw's fur had fluffed out as she stared at Icepaw, sad that he was being hurt so much by Froststorm's want for revenge. "Please... you have to fight him..... He..... he is going to make you end up like Rainwing. Your gonna lose one of you legs the same way if you keep trying to take out Riddlehawk!!!" She looked at her mentor, hoping he didn't take what she said hard since she was just worried. She looked back at Icepaw before sinking to the ground, unsure of what to say next, wondering if her words meant anything to Icepaw.

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Riddlehawk's ears pinned themselves flat against his skull as he heard the words coming from the den. He shook his head violently, like he was trying to shake them off and bolted from the camp. He wasn't dealing with this right now. He made it a ways away before he stopped, looking into a little pool of water. He stared as his reflection, the scarred angry exterior. He smacked the water with his paw, disrupting the image as he climped the side of the tree nearby. The massive tabby tom laid down on a large branch towards the top, resting his head on his paws. Thoughts whirled in his head as he pinned his ears back against his skull, his single gold eye shutting to try and ignore the world around him.

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Rainwing waited for Twitchpaw to finish before he spoke again, more calm and composed than the two apprentices before him. He had let his emotions get the better of him before, when he was an apprentice. But now he had learned that rational words worked better. "You can trust me because I'm a medicine cat. It doesn't matter if I'm Thunderclan or not. I'm here to help cats, any cats. I'm helping your leg and I'm trying to help you see the truth." He said, a soft look of concern in his eyes. He sighed at his next words, tail twitching softly.

"You may be too young to understand, but the reason the image of Froststorm is so much different when Needleheart speaks of him is because of love. She loved him and still does. And that clouds her vision to what a terror he really was. But that doesn't mean you have to be him, Icepaw." He studied the tom and he saw the fear on his face. And it was like looking at a reflection of his younger self. He had to save this tom from the fear that used to consume him as well.

"Icepaw, you don't HAVE to do anything. You're Icepaw, not Froststorm. He is DEAD, he can't hurt you anymore. That hatred is Riddlehawk and Froststorm, not Riddlehawk and you. I'll help you fight off Froststorm, that is an easier battle than the one your trying to force with Riddlehawk."

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Foxflight nodded sympathically towards the tom. The deputy then got up and asked to go hunting. Before they did, his ears flicked back as he heard the conversation in the medicene den escalate enough for him and Riddlehawk to hear. What he heard intrigued him to no end. A dead cat was controlling that little apprentice for revenge against Riddlehawk and because of that, he hated the Thunderclan deputy. This insight on the young tom made his mind work, but it was interupted by Riddlehawk running out of the camp.

He ran after the big deputy and slowed as he ran deep into the forest. Riddlehawk needed time alone, so he'd just follow the scent no problem, giving enough time for the tom. As he approuched, he heard the sound of water splashing and bark clawed.

Foxflight came into the area Riddlehawk was and looked towards the moving water. He crouched and took a sip as he waited for the deputy to come down. The bark falling had told him that he was on the tree. So, he waited pleasurably by the muddy shore. His own eyes closed to rest them just a bit. The forest song sang outside and inside him and he loved it. The dark thoughts were pushed out by a breeze and leaves rattling. It was ironic it seemed for the forest to seem so at peace when at the heart of it was in poor condition.

After a while, he looked up to where he thought Riddlehawk was. "Being upset all day isn't going to catch any prey," he mewed upwards.

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The ferocity and passion behind Twitchpaw's words was enough to startle Icepaw out of his fur. The question popped up about how she would know anything about him or Froststorm, anyway. The medicine cat apprentice couldn't know his story, what it all meant. She must have been younger than him by at least a couple moons! But however she knew or didn't know, the speed and strength of her mew was a bit cornering. "It's more complicated than that," he insisted. "I mean, even if I did try to ignore him, it's not like he'd leave me alone." StarClan forbid the dead tom pay more visits to his subconscious. But ending up like Rainwing over it all... The option wasn't pretty. He had almost lost his leg the same way just earlier.

The apprentice looked back to Rainwing, beginning to feel as if his head was stuck on a swivel. He wanted to believe that he could trust this tom, and just forget everything else, but nothing was that simple. Well, he wasn't that bad, really. He had fixed up his leg, and he was being nice enough. Maybe things could be a bit lighter if he gave it a try.

But the part about Needleheart being in love? Icepaw almost had to hold back a chuckle. He couldn't possibly imagine the cream colored she-cat trying to get on any tom's good side. She was nice to him an all, but it wasn't like she was even polite to most other cats. But wait- that means she is in love with my older, dead self? Ew. He wrinkled his nose. Thinking about it like that was just weird.

Icepaw sighed and looked at Rainwing with a grimace. "Easier said than done. I can't just say 'I quit' or 'leave me alone'. He's in my head. I don't see how anything would get rid of that." The pale tabby shook his head and looked back down at his injured paw. It was true that staying clear of Riddlehawk would lengthen his life. But how to do just that was the problem.

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"Well first, you need to get a good friend that you can tell everything to. Maybe then when Froststorm is bothering you, that cat might be able to help keep your mind away from him. That way he has less of a hold on you." Twitchpaw mewed, leaning against Icepaw, knowing talking about this must have been uncomfortable but she knew they had to stop it before it was too late. "Is there anyone in your clan that you could learn to trust? Another apprentice, a warrior, someone?"

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Riddlehawk listened to the pawsteps below him and let the scent of Foxflight drift up to him. The tom was right. Being upset and sulking in a tree all day wasn't going to catch him any prey. "Don't I know it...." Riddlehawk muttered to himself, letting his paws carry him back down the tree and to the ground. His single gold eye centered in on the other tom. "I'm in the mood for a bit of a risk. What do you think we should try?" He asked, flicking his tail back and forth.

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Icepaw thought about it. Let's see. He flicked his tail a couple times, not seeing all that many options at his paws. He hadn't stretched out that much with the RiverClan cats. Sure, there were his adoptive siblings, but even there he felt a wall. "Miraclefur is the cat I'm closest to," he mewed slowly, still thinking. "There's Needleheart, too, but I'm guessing that's not the kind of friend you had in mind." The pale tabby gave a little smile with an awkward twitch of his whiskers. "There aren't really that many other cats I know well enough in the Clan."