Sigh. (Open)

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The moon was shining down, making the frost on the ground sparkle, or rather glow. His dirty-looked fur was messy, packed with dirt. He didn't bother to clean himself anymore. He didn't bother to do anything.

He stared at the ground, and let his paws slide against the ground. He knew that when he got to the mud, it wouldn't be mud anymore, it would be frosted over, and not as squishy as it would be.

It was fine, he didn't care. He didn't care for anything else in the world.

His left ear flicked, then flattened against his triangular head with the other.

He let out a hiss in rage, cursing under his breath to himself, calling himself names.

He raised his head, tilted his head back, staring at the sky. He wanted to enter SilverPelt, but would he be welcomed?

Would he be welcomed after all that he has done?

He shook his head, and sat down, letting the cold breeze ruffle his fur. He ignored every sound, every scent, every movement. All he did, was sit there.

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From the darkness Shadow padded up, she sat infront of him, her tail wrapped around her paws and she store at the ground. "Hi Dirtfur."

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He stared at her, and blinked, as if he didn't know her. Of course, one thing was on his mind -- MoonShine. For that moment, that was all he could remember, the next, he noticed it was Shadow.

He studdered.

"O-Oh Hi. What are you doing out here?"

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"Nothing much, my kits were asleep, I was awake, I decided to go for a bit of walk. I found your scent and I thought maybe..." she stopped. you were going to attempt killing yourself again

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His ears flicked back, folding against his skull. He sniffed the air, and shook his head. He thought he scented something familar, like a thing.. Like of importance. Dog? No, it was too.. odd. He pushed it aside.

"Oh.. Okay."

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Shadow shrugged, "Are you okay? You can tell me anything, I know we aren't that close... but I want to help."

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The tom stared at her, and shook his head. He looked at his dirty paws, scuffling them. He knew he looked horrible right now, since he never given him a bath since of the.. incident.

"I'm fine."

Liar!

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Shadow's gaze softened, "I know you are not Dirtfur. I may not be but and strong, but many cats could call me smart, even maybe too smart for my own good. I can tell something is not bothering you, but eating you away. And I must help you before its too late." Shadow shook her head, "Is it that she-cat, the glowing one, is that what is bothering you? Her?"

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He spat.

"Yes, her! I killed her, don't you get it? I loved her, but I don't know why!"

Tears started to run down his cheeks, his fore-limbs trembling. He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to die. He needed to leave.

All he does is make things worse, no one really cares.

"She said it was supposed to happen, She said it was how it was planned!"

He let out a moan of pain.

"I can't take it! They just want me to suffer. All I dream about is her, Me killing her. I hate it!"

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Shadow had a feeling about that, but growing up as a rouge taught her that forgiveness is ALOT easier than hatred. At least most of the time. But she also grew up around cat where, if you couldn't defend yourself, you were dead. And killing a cat mattered little, in fact it brought you respect, false respect-but respect.

"Dirtfur, it doesn't matter what you did. It matters how you feel about it, How you felt about it, what you did about it, what you will do about it and how you are going to move on." she said. "Cats change. I've watched it, done it given it a new name. Do you know what that name is?"

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DirtFur stared at her. She was slowly loosing respect from him.

"Shadow. Nothing will change. I can't change. I am how I am. I wanted to take over the forest, just like that old cat did. Forget his name, whatever. But, I still want that. I want to prove that I can be the best. But now, I want to fall apart. "

He paused, but continued.

"ThunderClan hates me, TangleStar wants me dead. Why shouldn't I make that wish come true? Not like nobody would be happy if I just left."

He sighed, and shook his head.

"Of course I don't."

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"Forgiveness. Forgive yourself and others will forgive you." she said.

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His eyes merely narrowed, his fur starting to raise.

"And How am I supposed to forgive myself?"

He let out a hiss.

"Tell me, How?!"

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"You let go, she does not hold it against you, she forgives you. Forgive yourself, tell yourself to move on, and you will." she sighed.

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He let out a hiss.

"I can't forgive myself! I can't move on!"

He stood up, and moved his head down low, in a way of agression.

"You really believe I could? I"m not strong! I'm not strong like her! Or anyone else!"

His fluffed up tail swished side to side.

"I'm useless!"

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