Can't you feel it, SwiftPaw?

[Deleted]

FoxStar had to get out of there. The camp, that is. It was starting to get... crammed. Emotion wise.

She was so confused. Why was she letting herself get with an apprentice? It was so unlike her! Then again... ever since the moor... she couldn't stop thinking.

That's why Foxstar seemed like she was avoiding him. She just had to open her mouth that one day. Now, SwiftPaw might get in trouble. Not only her.

FoxStar, you idiot... This is typical of you! Always getting others in trouble!

"I guess I have a bit of foxblood in me, afterall, eh...?" she slowly spoke to herself, letting her head turn upward. She looked at the white sky, for it was covered in white clouds.

Her nose was getting a bit crusted, mostly because of the cloud, but she didn't care. She deserved to go. She deserved to get sick. She deserved whatever there was to get. Except for the good things. At least, that's what she believes.

She slowly laid down in the meadow, which wasn't much of a meadow no more. The weather really wore it out. It looked like a white frosted field, that had no flowers at all. It seemed like the perfect place for her.

FoxStar slowly moved her head downwards, in a way that her ears would be pointing at the sky if her ears were pinned back(which they were), and her nose pointing towards the ground.

"Why do I have to cause this? Why?" she slowly spoke under her breath, fog slowly following her voice. (the fog that appears when you breathe in cold weather.)

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"Foxstar! Foxstar, where are you?"

Swiftpaw shivered as a cold, leaf-fall wind ruffled his fur. He'd seen Foxstar leave the camp. Something had seemed wrong and he couldn't help but worry.

Everything about this relationship was wrong. But the apprentice loved her, and nothing woul ever change that.

He was about to call out the leader's name one more time when he saw her, head down, laying in the meadow.

"Why do you have to cause what?" he asked as he came near.

[Deleted]

The she-cat rose her head, and stared at SwiftPaw. She wrinkled her nose, and she couldn't bring herself in telling him the truth. I mean, how could she?

"Nothing... It's nothing," she concluded, and slowly moved closer towards the tom, letting her pelt touch his.

"I'm just confused on a number of things, SwiftPaw," she slowly smiled a bit, and nudged his cheek gently with her muzzle. She wasn't quite sure what to do or say. Everything was just... blank. All she wanted to do was sit there with her pelt touching his...

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"Oh, okay." Swiftpaw didn't want to have to bug her until she told him what the problem was. If she didn't want to tell him, she didn't have to.

The black and white apprentice pawed at the ground. He didn't meet her eye as he continued. "I'm... I'm kinda confused, too... This whole thing seems... wrong..."

He looked up into Foxstar's pretty blue eyes and sighed. As a kit, life seemed so care free. Even after he'd became an apprentice, life seemed to just breeze by, but now...

This is what you asked for, isn't it? To get a she-cat to fall for you? said the voice. You said that you'd be the coolest tom in the clan if you got a girl to love you.

But I never thought I'd fall in love, too! he mewed silently. And I especially didn't think I'd fall in love with my leader!

The voice was silent. Everything was silent. The only noise was the wind that swept over the land...

[Deleted]

"Don't be confused. You shouldn't be. You could easily get out of love, you're just a little apprentice, eh?" she spoke softly, letting her gaze stare at him. She didn't mean for that to be hurtful, but it is true. "It is wrong. And we both know it. But-- some things can't be helped."

Her tail slowly swished side to side behind her, while her ears slowly flicked, looking as if they were going to pin against her head. She had too much on her mind. She always did.

What would WaveStar do? What would any of the other leaders do? I'm still so young!

FoxStar looked downwards, eyes rather pinned shut. Coming out of her almond-looking eyes came a few tears. They were easily seen against her bright colored fur, not to mention the cold making it a bit brighter(the tear that is).

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Swiftpaw stared at Foxstar for a moment. "I can't get out of love if I'm in love with you..." He closed his eyes for a minute. What should I do? Oh, my sister would know... But she's not here and she never will be...

"Are you... crying? Did I do something wrong?" he asked worried.

((Sorry for the short post...))

[Deleted]

((It's fine.))

FoxStar slowly rose to her paws, and just sighed. This was always typical of her. He's going to get in trouble because of her. She just sighed softly, and looked at him. And yeah, the current tears that were there, were still slowly slipping down her face. It was difficult for them to find the ground.

Her right paw slowly rubbed her cheek gently, getting rid half of the tears. "Yeah, I'm crying. I cry a lot, actually."

FoxStar looked at him, and slowly nudged him, "No, not because of you, because of me."

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"Really?" he said, shocked. "I've never seen you cry before..."

At first, Swiftpaw was relieved at what Foxstar said about it not being his fault. Then, he felt even more worried. He wanted to say something, to comfort her, but no words came to mind.

Sometimes it's best to say nothing at all...

"What did you do that made you cry?"

Arg...

The words just seemed to flow out of his mouth. He hadn't thought before he said anything, and now, he was probably going to pay the consiquences...

[Deleted]

Ah, he just doesn't seem to get it, does he? Not like it matters, anyways. I mean, should it? Why would her feelings matter? No one ever seems to understand how she feels. Maybe WaveStar.

She remembers when she was telling Wavestar it would be okay. That everything was alright. But now look at her-- she is falling apart just like WaveStar. What would she say now? That she has a whole clan looking up to her, that she was the number one leader? Pshpash. That was a whole bunch of mouse-brains. No one really looked up to her. They all think that she will fail. StarClan doesn't even like her! They didn't even give her her lives at first!

FoxStar looked over at SwiftPaw, and couldn't help but smile. She knew he didn't understand, he was still an apprentice. He hasn't seen the big-bads yet.

"What did I do that made me cry?" she echo'd his words, and tried to pick out the correct ones, "Becoming leader, failing at being the leader of this clan. No one really cares what I do or say, they still carry on with what they do. StarClan didn't accept me at first, and I picked a deputy late...

I'm not a good leader at all, and everything that I've loved, cared for, everything, has disappeared. What's a good leader when they keep sending cats away? Or cause things to come at a bad rate, with... well, not very good things. Troubles.

Do I belong at the top? That's the real question..."

Foxstar was speaking rather calmly and smoothly. She couldn't freak out in front of him, for multiple reasons.

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"Of course we care! Every cat in Windclan thinks your an amazing leader! We'd be goners without you! You know, you and Starclan have something in common, then. They made a mistake of not excepting you at first, and you made the mistake of choosing your deputy to late. We all make mistakes, okay? If we didn't make mistakes, what would we be?"

"Your a wonderful leader, but if you keep telling yourself that your not, you won't be! If you keep dwelling on the mistakes you've made, you'll only make more then if you look to the future! Every cat has or will lose someone close to them. It's just the way life goes, so you can't bully yourself!"

He gasped for breathe after he'd finished. He'd tried to say everything in one short breathe. Bad idea.

"You do deserve to be leader," Swiftpaw said. "More then anyone else. And I'm sure if ask someone else, they'll say the same thing. So brighten up, or I'll have to make you!"

[Deleted]

FoxStar just stared at the tom, not even making a motion. She heard his words, and tried to believe them, but truth be told, she couldn't. It was impossible for her to. She just had to believe that she was a mistake.

She was too cocky, which was soon brought down when other things happened. For instance, not getting her lives in the first place, loosing all of her senses...

FoxStar sighed softly, and looked down. She then looked back up at SwiftPaw, and couldn't help but smile. It may of been fake, but it was still a smile, right?

"SwiftPaw, the only reason you are saying this is because you love me. Plus..." FoxStar looked away from him, "Try asking all the others. They'll disagree. Mostly the warriors. The apprentices' don't know my past, what I really am, what I've done."

Her big fluffy tail lashed back and forth rather angrily. It seemed like no one understood. Maybe... Maybe MoonSight, but heck, he might not understand anymore and he probably doesn't feel the same no longer.

Don't get her wrong, she still loved MoonSight, and she did love SwiftPaw, but that doesn't mean anything. She was confused on that matter rather a lot. Not like it matters.

"SwiftPaw... you just don't get it, do you?" her eyes looked serene and rather calming, "You... barely know what my past was like. You are unsure of... what I've done, what happened... They won't like me as a leader, and they probably never will. For multiple reasons... I've wanted to run away before, SwiftPaw..."

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"That's what you think?" Rage was building in Swiftpaw's chest. "That I'm lying to you because I love you? That I'm only saying this because I don't want the one I care about to be sad? If that's what you think, you apparently don't understand why I'm telling you this. I'm telling you what I've been thinking for a long time..."

"And if the warriors didn't want you as leader, wouldn't they do something to end your leadership? Launch an attack, openly challenge your attority... I know I haven't seen anyone do things like that!"

Swiftpaw sighed and shook his head. "I think your the one who doesn't understand. It doesn't matter what happened in your past. What matters is what you do now. If you keep crying over what happened in the past, how are you going to redeem yourself? If they don't agree with your leadership now, if you don't do anything to show them that you've changed, they never will! Show them that your not the same as before!" He was on his paws now, staring sternly at her.

[Deleted]

She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget

Moonsight could remember a time when he had been terrible at hunting, his muscular build had prevented him hunting like Mosspelt did. Now though, as he tore through the branches and brush after a rabbit, he realized that he had changed in more ways than just one.

Perhaps luck was with him, or perhaps it wasn't, but he landed the kill quickly and quietly. Pausing for a moment he lifted his head to smell the air, he could pick up the scent of cats, the familiar scent of Windclan, which even now made his skin crawl slightly.

Perhaps it was luck that had made him downwind of Foxstar and Swiftpaw. Even if it wasn't, Moonsight could hear the muffled tones of a discussion. He knew it was wrong, but he knew he had advanced loner training on his side from his times outside of Windclan, he wouldn't be caught if he listened in a little bit...

They won't like me as a leader, and they probably never will. For multiple reasons... I've wanted to run away before, SwiftPaw...

Why was Foxstar out in the middle of the forest with an apprentice? He had been looking for her all morning, and this was where she had been?

That's what you think? That I'm lying to you because I love you? That I'm only saying this because I don't want the one I care about to be sad?

Love? What was this apprentice talking about? Why would....No. Moonsight didn't even realize what he was doing, or realize that he was actually heading the wrong way, until he crashed right into the clearing with Swiftpaw and Foxstar.

But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

[Deleted]

FoxStar suddenly turned her head to see MoonSight crashing in. Her ears flicked a bit, and soon pinned down against her cranium. She felt embarrassed. I mean, wouldn't you? Being caught at this place, with an apprentice? Especially since they were speaking about certain things that should not be said?

She looked at her paws, and just scuffled them. She didn't say a word, mostly because she ignored a lot of things now. What was she to do now?

She still loved MoonSight. Yet, she loved SwiftPaw at the same time. This wasn't like her. Although, she always did fall easily. Which... is just typical.

"Moonsight..." she softly muttered under her breath, while the cold breeze blew against her fur, making it ruffle the wrong way, which sent chills up her spine, "What... What are you doing here?"

She looked at him, her voice being rather calm and serene. She tried to keep her distance from SwiftPaw, but that was rather difficult. I mean... how could she?

FoxStar's paws trembled with rather fear, disappointment, and embarrassment. She was so confused now. Her mind just whirled.

"...Figures," she murmured under her breath, hopefully no one hearing her voice this time, "This is just what StarClan would do... put more shame upon me!"

She took a few steps back from the two toms, letting her ears shut rather tightly. They felt so cold right now. Why was that?

FoxStar felt something wet drip down slowly on her cheeks. Was it rain, snow, sleet...? No. Tears. Typical. Being a big baby as she is.

"...No," she softly murmured, wanting to yell it to Silverpelt itself.

She suddenly stopped moving, being maybe about 5 feet from both of the toms. She just stood there, looking almost like a statue.

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There's a whole lotta things that I will forgive

Moonsight knew he wasn't imagining Foxstar's reluctance to leave Swiftpaw's side; no matter how much he tried to convince himself of that. He knew he had lost, again.

Moonsight... what... what are you doing here?

"I could ask you the same thing Foxstar." the tom replied quietly, taking a step away from the two as if distancing himself from the problem.

Figures... This is just what StarClan would do... put more shame upon me!"

That made Moonsight laugh. It was a cold, humorless laugh, filled with no emotion and it bounced off the surrounding trees and brush and echoed into the wind.

But I just can't take a liar

"You think you have a right to be ashamed Foxstar? You're not the one that had to come back one time without your clan's old leader and have to deal with the disapproving looks. You're not the one that came back a second time because he didn't want to leave his sister, best friend, and his lover, only to find that his sister is gone Starclan knows where, and his lover won't even talk to him and is off with an apprentice of all cats!

I left to clear my head for awhile, to strengthen my resolve so that I could stand by your side and be there when you needed me because I knew I couldn't before, it was too hard. I came back because I thought I had a place with someone. I could've stayed with the loner clan in the fields by Wavestar's grave, there were plenty of beatiful she-cats there that took an interest in me, but I came back. Only to realize the cat I was coming back to never had plans to wait for me..."

I was by your side till the very end

Moonsight chuckled again, quieter this time. Glaring at the apprentice he shook his head. He had pity for the poor tom, he didn't deserve to be sucked into this. Or perhaps he did, perhaps Starclan had found a way to bring forth all the traitors in a clan secretly. Interesting.

"And what do you have to say? Or do you just let Foxstar do all the stammering for you?" Moonsight looked Swiftpaw over, he could see the inexperiance radiating off of the younger cat. His muscles weren't always tensed and waiting for an attack from an offending cat, even when there was no such threat. He didn't constantly watch over his shoulder for an unseen enemy. Of course, no one in the clan's did it very well.

Till you pushed me in the fire